I liked how you said the snow crumbled and fell it was a lovely way to describe snow. why did you pick to describe it like that also you should make some more paragraphs .
Could you try to write in an organised way next time? It’s quite confusing having three paragraphs in different places! You also need to check your punctuation because your paragraphs are missing some full stops.
I love how you’ve shown the effects of the dragon, making the water splash. It really puts me in the scene!
I liked how you said the snow crumbled and fell it was a lovely way to describe snow. why did you pick to describe it like that also you should make some more paragraphs .
Could you try to write in an organised way next time? It’s quite confusing having three paragraphs in different places! You also need to check your punctuation because your paragraphs are missing some full stops.
I love how you’ve shown the effects of the dragon, making the water splash. It really puts me in the scene!
great similes p; the floor shook like an elephant.
Good job Rhys
Add a little bit more.